Everyday musings that may provide some explanation to AnotherWhen.com, a playground for personal ideas.

Monday, June 23, 2008

A sad day

Last night I am trying to catch up on my DVR and I come across a commercial that gave me pause. I was washing dishes at the time but from the moment I heard the sultry woman's voice and matching slow blues riff I had to watch. My mouth watered just at the sound of what she was suggesting I do. And her suggestion....Was to drink a new freaking type of juice! I am not even going to name the brand because I am just embarrassed. No not embarrassed. Shamed. But I don't know what I am ashamed more at, the fact that I got sucked into obvious commercialism crap describing exotic berries from England and the Amazon with the thought "I wonder what that tastes like. Hmm got to get that.", or the idea I got a sexual visual suggestion by a juice drink.

Anyway, I remember as a kid listening to make sure my parents were in bed before turning up the volume on the TV to listen to Geore Carlin. It was the equivalent of my parents listening to Red Foxx on a record player with head phones on. When I was young he made me laugh at the curse words and fart jokes. When I was in junior high school he made me laugh at the curse words, and the sexual references. As I got older he made me laugh at and examine where we are as a society. I may not have always agreed with his line of thinking but I was awed at his way of expressing himself intelligently and with silliness. Of course the curse words and fart jokes helped also.

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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

After two months of waiting

Yesterday, while walking out of the court house I stopped and looked around. Sure I was in downtown Elizabeth, NJ but I noticed that the sky was especially bluer, the air sweet, and every color was clear and crisp (it also could have been that I was in one of the top 50 Greenest Towns in America according to Popular Science. Shocked? Me too I mean its still Jersey. But hey they had a banner up announcing it). Hell even the birds, animals, and people all seemed happy. They type of day you just want to thank God. Then I realize maybe its just me. This is the type of elation that is usually accompanied with the "All Clear" results of an STD test after waiting that agonizing two weeks. Except in this case its been a couple of months. Man this must have been what Michael Jackson and OJ Simpson felt like after their "Not Guilty" verdicts only I, you know, really didn't do it.

So my girlfriend joined me today. I tried to put on a brave front but she knows me better than I thought. She reassures me the whole ride and to be honest its better than nice having her there. With her I really begin to think that no one screwed up my test and I have a little faith in the system. The only problem is that it was the system that got me in this mess. I am now thinking of becoming an activist for a law change. She rolls her eyes. By this time she knows when I am about to get preachy.

This time around I am surprised to see that the hearing is set for after lunch. If you are going to be summoned to court it is best to make sure you know the time your scheduled to show. We have time for lunch and stop by a place called "Banging Bagels" which is a pretty accurate title for the lunch I ordered. (Highly recommend if you are ever on trail in Elizabeth. Order the Pastrami. You will not be disappointed.) Also for entertainment its great bar none. We listen to this one grungy looking, 30 something, tattooed man complaining on the phone to a judge's office about the next child support payment. My girlfriend wants me to take note because it was like looking into the future. Yeah its messed up to say but the real funny part was that he was making the call on behalf of his 60 something year old father next to him. It was his child support payment that was due. I made another stereotype and was proven wrong. At that moment this whole process of being summoned begins to look justified.

Anyway after waiting around for the afternoon my hearing is called. They allow her in for "moral support". That is what they refer to the visitor as. Moral Support. What the hell? I get sworn in and before I know it I am dismissed. Or as they say it "Dismissed on grounds of genetic testing shown to have proven no paternity". No celebration, no fan fare, no apology for months of "Fathers day" jokes from your friends (the lawyer from the Welfare office actually did apologize but it really wasn't on behalf of his office). Hell not even a handshake. They seriously could have mailed this to me. The judge did offer a little joke that the reason I got off was because of my "moral support". I guess that was his way of apologizing after being apart of a system that violated me. What the hell?

To this day I still have yet to find anyone else that this has happened to (I should clarify by saying "anyone else that is innocent"). I have missed two days of work for this. I don't even want to know what my mom or girlfriend were thinking. Although to be fair my girlfriend says ,even though the conception date was while we were together, she never doubted me. My mom her reaction was a little different but she also gave me the benefit of the doubt. I am not sure if I want her to clarify that but I think she sees her son as some sort of player after all. Either that or she is just setting the bar too low. Whatever nothing can bring me down. I am going to get a frame for the test results. Oh I guess, I didn't officially mention the results yet: Probability of Paternity = 0.00%. The kid is not my bastard.

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Sunday, June 01, 2008


So tomorrow's the day. or should i say today is the day (it is after 12). My girlfriend is going to join me this time around. My mom offered too but I declined. Funny last time they did as well. It is such a relief having them reassure me like they do. I know the outcome of this already but I still have all of the anxiety as if I don't. I have so many thoughts about whats happening that my mind is going in circles but the major one that keeps screwing with my head is this "How in the world did I get picked?". Another one is "Does my name show up on a birth certificate someplace that I don't know of?". Nowadays the idea of this happening makes me wonder how often does this happen? Does my name keep popping up in record someplace? Am I the victim of the sperm equivalent of identify theft? Is there a jar of me sitting in some fridge with someone playing a game of "whose life can we jack up today?" Seriously where does this end? Does the mother have the ability to appeal or since this was brought by the state do they have the ability to appeal? GOD I can't wait till this is done.