Las Frickin' Vegas Baby

Have you ever seen that movie “Swingers”? There is a scene where the two main characters are headed to Vegas and they are SO excited at the thought of getting there. They are cheering and smiling in the car while they leave LA (I think. Alright I confess that this is the only scene I saw.) The scene switches to them STILL in the car driving, God knows how many hours later. No excitement or energy. Testy, because of the long drive. Watching the movie you laugh at how real that situation is. Well imagine you and your significant other in the same situation. Hilarious, isn’t it?

It was not as bad as it sounds when we were actually doing it. I just made a game out of not saying or doing or listening to anything that would ruin the beautiful scenery (“Oh look honey, another boulder!”). Once we got to Vegas my thinking of pulling up to a hotel while blasting that Elvis song they play on the TV show “Las Vegas” was shot when we glimpsed the traffic. Oh boy, what good times I had dreaming of what I was going to piss my money away on first, also, seemed all the more exiting especially when creeping along in traffic I felt like I was inescapably being stared at by Celine and those guys from “Thunder from Down Under” (I bet they really aren’t that muscular in person. I don’t know ask the girlfriend. Did I mention what fun we had on that long drive?) But it was made better when she treated me to In and Out Burger before going to the hotel. God this girl is SO great. I was perfectly content to drop her off at the hotel first and get settled in but she knows me oh so well.

Anyway, 2 burgers, a kool aid smile later (after having dropped of the car and walked back to the hotel faster than it took to drive, partially, down the strip in the first place) I am opening the door to the MGM Grand room overlooking New York New York and Excalibur (I also overjoyed because you can see In and Out in the distance. Walking distance. Did you know they have a hidden menu? I didn’t until one of the last days there.)

That night we met up with a few of her friends and go to “Pure” at Caesar’s.

We don’t have to wait on line because we know someone. Balling’, Ya heard! Now the first couple of times I was not dating anyone and looking for some action. Never found it. This time I went and I wasn’t looking for it but found the secret to meeting girls. Flash money (I don’t know if this works in other cities. Someone should study this.). I am at the bar paying for drinks and I was shocked and accosted by hands and breasts. It was horrible. I am glad my girlfriend was there to protect me. Yeah “glad” is the word. So glad….yeah.

Taking shots of the strip from the terrace was nice (if it was warm. maybe we should have taken shots while taking pictures...hmmmm?).

I am pretty sure I was that kid from “Malcolm in the Middle” (the main one). Isn’t he 17 or something? Other than that the night was pretty standard. Drink a little, dance and wish I was wearing sneakers so I could enjoy the dancing, watching old people make out like young people and dodging fake breasts from knocking me over (serious can’t someone make them softer. Sort of like pillows.)

We took in a show. “KA” from Cirque Du Soleil is a great show. I saw “O” last time I was here and it was nice but “KA” was much more entertaining. Moving stages, fire, and martial art acrobatics, what could be better? “O” was with water and synchronized swimming and maybe more erotic but in a clean wet swimsuit kind of way.

For the last evening we ate at the Bellagio for my girlfriend’s birthday. Good choice on her part. I love this hotel. It has a nice design and the fountain show at night is beautiful. Remember the end of Ocean’s 11? When they are overlooking the fountain with music playing? It feels kind of like that. Fascinating to look at and calming. The restaurant we are going to faces that. Like I said, “Good choice”. On a previous trip she enjoyed and kept talking about a truffle risotto served at Le Cirque that was the best she ever had. Now she and I are all about good restaurants and great food so if she gives it a thumb’s up then I have to try it. Alas guess who ordered it and did not want to try anything new. Oh well it is her birthday right? Now I was not disappointed with my meal, but I cannot remember what it was now that the trip is over. Don’t get me wrong it was tasty but the risotto was GOOD. She is extremely content and I hope it was memorable for her. Next time, though, the food is mine. After dinner they have to roll me out of there with my pants unbuttoned. (God I need to exercise.) The only down part is the wind is so bad that the fountain isn’t on. But it’s definitely a good way to end the trip.

After having waited on line for security and baggage check for over 1 ½ hours and flying on a plane that no longer serves meals I was relieved to see the New York skyline. All the same, I have to say if it wasn’t for her I don’t know it I ever would have taken a trip like this. Doing this is something that I have dreamt about doing for awhile. It was great and spending it with her really did make it worthwhile but being home in my own bed is f’ing fantastic.

PS. Just to let you know even after winning $1100 or $1200 I am still down over $1500 on the tables and slots. Whatever happens in Vegas you are going to pay for later, remember that when you are laying your bets. If you lose three hands in a row walk away from the table. Trust me.