Everyday musings that may provide some explanation to AnotherWhen.com, a playground for personal ideas.

Monday, March 24, 2008

My bad

I fucked up. As much as I have talked about girlfriends parents, taxi drives, and others assuming something about me I have, hypocritically, done it to this woman, or the plaintiff as I know her. I assumed I know the whole story based on virtually nothing presented to me. Frankly on less than nothing. That is me doing the same thing that has been done to me and I am trying to be better than that.
You know who I should be mad at: The Welfare Office of NJ. Did I mention that this was all started by them on behalf of the plaintiff? Sure it was my "wanna be not gonna be never has been" baby mama who started this but realistically it was the Office that has instigated it. Why? Apparently they have an office dedicated to this. How do they track down "non complicit" fathers? Well apparently the more information on the "donor" you have the better. The office then has the ability to review all of the information provided by your NJ employer. Name, Social, current address for your paycheck. Part of a law enacted allowed them the ability to do this. In addition since they are part of "the state" they probably have acessed to your income tax information and court cases. Once they track down the person of interest they issure a court summons to take your money. Oh yeah during this court session you are allowed the opportunity to meet your accuser. Which in the sense of court justice is what America is all about....the accused allowed to confront their accuser.
Now you'll notice a flaw in this whole genius system. Well one of many flaws. #1 They automatically believe the accuser. Not in the sense of a defiled Hestian virgin but I mean the get a name, address, employer and suddenly they are Columbo (granted they do ask for more info but honestly are these questions you typically ask someone in a backseat. I am sorry I did it again.). Case is solved. Send them to court. Next case. Essentially you have to prove your innocence instead of them prove you guilty.
#2 (this is especially for a case like mine) Before going to court why not try showing a picture to me to her or her to me, tell me how old the kid is, date of conception, anything. What if I was in jail at the time? or I was out of the country? the other side of the country? We could solve this right now.
#3 To prove myself innocent if there was a dispute (and believe me there better not be) I have to provide a sample of DNA. Now admittedly I am a little paranoid but I am not that bad. However I was trying to keep most of me to myself. Personal and private.
Anyway whatever happened to that after school movie where the girl walks up to you and says "Its yours". And you had the chance to find out she was really sleeping with the whole football team. Ah high school memories. So its close to the court date and I am just can't wait to get this over with.

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Friday, March 21, 2008

Calmed down but not much

So its been a couple of weeks and I am feeling better about this whole situation. I do have to say it has made me very jaded. For example, as I ride on the train I look at every women with a kid and ask myself is that the one. Silly because my accuser is from Jersey. Actually I should clarify that I have no idea how my name was chosen as the defendant. After speaking with representatives at the court I have found that it is really the Welfare office that is bringing me to court. The concept of innocent until proven guilty is a myth in certain cases such as mine. I have to take a day off of work to travel to another state to wait to be called for a court case to prove my innocence to a judge, and welfare lawyer but they whole thing could be solved by just showing a picture of me to her and her to me at less cost. Okay maybe I am still peeved at this thing but can you blame me. I think I am going to petition my senator for legislation that declares: except for criminal circumstances, if you do not know the full name, phone number and address of the man you slept with upon meeting for the first time automatically declares any child forth coming the result of an immaculate conception. As such you shall not bother some other guy in an effort of finding the said ghost father. I should be able to get that passed right?

Friday, March 14, 2008


I have been having the strangest week of my life. One that I never thought I would be having. Technically I have not had it yet because it really has not happened yet. Anyway I have told my family and a few friends this and their reactions reassured me more than anything but you decide for yourself.
Last Saturday started like any other. I woke up hung over. Reviewing the course of the night and where exactly everything went downhill (it was the shots by the way) I began to reassure myself that this was going to be the last time. I was a changed man. An adult now and yada yada yada. We have all had this conversation before and we know the outcome but its nice to try and fake it. Anyway a delivery to me of a lovely postcard from a friend featuring 4 topless Tahitian women (Thanks C. I have it up on the fridge. I am sure the kids downstairs are going to giggle extra hard when next they see me. I swear I thought I said "hi" in my postcard. Next time. Need your new address though.) reminds me that I should probably pick up the mail. I have gotten a few tickets or reminders of outstanding tickets over the last week so it would probably be a good idea to check on that. Smile on my face, Burger King in hand (I said I would give up Mickey D's besides Burger King is farther away and the exercise did me good....I don't have to justify myself to you) I grab the mail. Bill, bill, junk mail....hmmm....official looking paperwork from some county in NJ. Lets see what they sent.
Have you ever noticed when opening mail you always scan to see who its from first or very quickly see if you can get the gist of it without actually having to read. For a few seconds you really don't register what the letter is really about. You probably did it when you opened this blog. Then it hits you. You owe us taxes! Yikes thats a surprise. Well for me same thing except the letter is telling me that I have been summoned to court. Civil action summons for child support and paternity hearing!!!! What the fuck is going on?
So after I regained consciousness I had to reread this lovely piece of literature as if I was studying for a test. Technically I am. Failure is the only option. Just to give you the finer points I have to take off a day of work, go to court in the morning because failure to appear will result in a bench warrant for my arrest (remember they have my address so the chase is not going to be that long), appear before a judge so that I can say the following: "I have no idea why I am here. Who is this woman? I have never met her before in my life. I hate Jersey so why the hell would I sleep with a chick from there. You got the wrong guy. My name is spelled incorrectly on this summons and that means your looking for someone else.....blah blah blah.". Or I should point out that this is eventually what I would figure out once I stopped having a heart attack. In reality I spent the next 30 minutes to and hour constantly reviewing in my mind of whether I actually could be the father. Its funny how even after reviewing and re-reviewing the short list (Hey growing up I thought why should I have to approach anyone) of potentials you begin to think maybe holding hands does make someone pregnant. The problem with that or any other theory was I don't even know this girl.
The rest of the weekend was a blur. I do remember spending most of the weekend upset and ashamed. That really is the worst part. Something I did not even do had the ability to make me feel bad. Part of me was angry but mostly I thought about what my friends and family would say. Would they believe me? Hell would my girlfriend believe me? Would all of them be suspicious? Just even thinking this was the really idiotic part. When I told my girlfriend she started laughing. My mom, and the friends that I told all started laughing. On one hand I was relived that they had faith in me and immediately knew the accusation was bullshit. Hell I doubted me so seeing them not doubt it is reassuring. On the other hand these assholes doubt my prowess. At least question me about it. I mean I am pimp after all. Okay then maybe not but still its a stab to my ego. Anyway after speaking with them my outlook has been more upbeat. I am kind of down about it still but not like before.
So thats the story. At least the start of it. Until my court date I am going to speak about this for awhile but for now I am just glad to get it off my chest. Its has gotten me thinking a lot about the court system and our culture so I am going to give some voice to it also.

Update: After some confusion with a friend of mine I have decided to clarify something: I AM NOT THE FATHER. UNLESS SOMEONE THAT I SLEPT WITH CHANGED THEIR NAME I DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON. That is all.

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